My year in review and thoughts about the new one
I am going to ask several questions in this post and answer them one by one. I suggest that you do the same thing for yourself because now I know that if I had some clarity on January 1st of last year, I might have had a different year. Of course I am forgiving myself for not taking the time to search for that clarity given everything that was going on at the time, but it still would have been nice had I just taken a few minutes for myself to do that amidst all the chaos of the time.
What were my accomplishments in 2018 and where do I feel I fell short?
Well, first of all, I had tremendous accomplishments in 2018, aside from just keeping my sanity, which was hard enough even if I did nothing else. I have so many meaningful accomplishments to think about and be grateful for — like getting my husband to the hospital in time to save his life, being by my sister’s side 3,000 miles away from home and my own family, finishing my nutritional coaching classes, starting the Granny Keto website, YouTube channel, Facebook page and podcast! I am so proud of all those accomplishments and if nothing else, those made it a banner year for me. But I want to talk here about Keto goals. The problem is, I had no Keto goals, which is why I didn’t get anywhere (in terms of weight loss) and which is why I am asking you to sit down right this minute and think about your own year past and year ahead. I am happy I came into 2019 only a few pounds more than I came into 2018 with. I think I held my own, but I do feel I fell short of what weight goals I had in the back of my mind. However, the weight on the scale is only an outward manifestation of actions. I’ve written before that you can still get health benefits by eating Keto and not going back to “carbage” and I feel that is what it was for me. But I did not drop any weight at all and my clothes are no looser and certainly not a smaller size than January 2018. I feel my boundaries got very fuzzy and as a result I was doing extremely lazy Keto, which can work for some people, but when they are successful they usually still do pay attention to their hunger signals and use those instead of tracking. I did not even do that. I feel I fell short of that and also any other intuitive measures. For instance, “Am I thirsty? Is my body screaming to move? Am I tired instead of hungry?” I am giving myself some love, forgiveness and understanding though — if I beat myself up I get nowhere.
What did I learn from this?
Well how about starting with self-forgiveness? I had a hard year — both sad hard and happy hard. That I stayed Keto through it all —and did not gain all my weight back and then some — are tremendous accomplishments that I need to gratefully acknowledge. I learned to be grateful for what comes into my life even when it is something traumatic and awful. I learned that I don’t need to slash the other three tires when one is flat. In other words, a day — or days — of poor eating doesn’t mean I need to wait until after a holiday or a Monday or a new year.
I learned that I must never forget my WHY. However, I learned that my WHY must be fluid. Yes, I don’t want diabetes and I want to be a healthy grandma. But I also need to acknowledge immediate WHYs as they come up — like I will feel awful if I eat this or too much of that. I learned that I must work harder to acknowledge and respect my hunger signals. I already recognize them but I tend to hush them. I learned that fuzzy boundaries — although they might still keep me in ketosis — do nothing to help me toward weight loss goals. I learned that there is a lot of gray in Keto, and that was maybe the hardest thing for me: Keto is different for everyone…and your Keto might not be my Keto. My rules are not someone else’s rules. Someone else’s rules are not mine. My body changes and my needs to keep that body humming change and so I have learned that I have to stay attentive.
What will I do differently this year from last year?
I will not feel bad about myself, which just begets more feeling bad about myself, and then I don’t feel I deserve the gift of Keto. I have to realize that some days will be lazy Keto days and as long as they are few and far between and if, at the very least, I honor my hunger and fullness signals, then it’s all good. Even if it turns out to be an IIFYM (If it fits your macros) day, it’s still good because it will keep me extremely low carb and away from carbage. In other words, this year I will see if going with the flow actually results in fewer days that I don’t keep to my goals because I am not feeling bad about myself for not doing exactly what I feel I should be doing.
What are my goals this year?
Okay so here is where I go against ALL my advice to all of you and all of my clients: My goal is to lose weight. There I said it. I want to lose weight. However, as I said above, weight loss is just the manifestation of actions. So I am not really making weight loss my goal. My goal is to have good and true actions and decisions about how I approach eating. I have been in a holding pattern since January 2018 and indeed I am happy there was no crash — but you have to land sometime and 2019 is it!
What is my word for 2019?
What does this mean to me? It means that I will take my own advice and I will be my own coach. That means that I believe I have the power to do Keto and lose weight without weighing and measuring and even tracking, because that is what I tell my clients they can do. I will no longer believe that I am some sort of failure because I just can’t make myself track a meal past lunch. I am just not wired that way and forcing myself to do so would be inauthentic to myself. I once told my coach, “No one tells me what to do. Not even me.” At the root of this is the authenticity that I am striving for this year. I want to Dance with Keto and do this from my heart.